OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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