i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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