remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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