Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
