Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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