Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you didnt know i had herpes?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
