Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is the high leading the old right now
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
