I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
