Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
