very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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