His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The beer is more important than you right now.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize