The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
