Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
