apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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