the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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