DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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