im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
