i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
