my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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