In the future we'll all be gay
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
