she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
