I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
