If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
My underwear smells like fireworks.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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