You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
