i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
