i would punch a child for taco bell
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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