did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
