If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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