i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
50% drunk capacity currently
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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