I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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