It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
