I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
did i walk over a car last night?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
