I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
