I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
