get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
