Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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