You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
