my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
