y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
