Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
