I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
