So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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