I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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