he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I supernannyed him into submission
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
