now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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