Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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