just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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