I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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