Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
And then the night went full on bisexual.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
