Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
