Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
