he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
