He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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